What does authentic mean to you? It seems like such a simple concept. You just are who you are, right? But what if you don’t know who that is?
In all the years I’ve worked as a psychotherapist, MANY of my clients struggle with that. “Who am I? I’ve spent my whole life saying and doing things trying to keep my parents happy. As I got older, it became my friends, my spouse… Now you’re telling me to find my true authentic core. What does that even mean??? I’m not sure I even have a true authentic core.”
It’s easy to not really think about who we are; what unique gifts we have to offer. We just go along being who we are and doing what we do, without really thinking about it. But at some point, some people just don’t know who they are anymore. They have eroded into someone they don’t even recognize. This phenomenon is more common in women than men. Most women are socialized to be accommodating. Accommodating is okay to a point but some people accommodate to the point of losing themselves. So when they end up in my office, they no longer have a clue who they are nor what “gifts” they have to offer anyone in a relationship.
One of my favorite parts of working as a therapist and coach is helping people find that authentic core again. For people who have lost their authenticity, it is usually easier to help them find themselves again. They have an idea of who they are and how they lost sight of themselves over the years. The bigger challenge is in working with people who didn’t have much of an authentic core to begin with because they were not allowed to develop that early in life. These clients are scared to find out who they are. I reframe their challenge by reminding them that transitions are also very exciting because they now have the power to become the person they want to be!
Law #4 of the Go-Giver is The Law of Authenticity, which says, The most valuable gift you have to offer is yourself. It really is, isn’t it?
Do you know your authentic self?
